The Ten Commandments of Change

The Ten Commandments for Change

• Expect the best.
• Listen before talking; think before acting.
• Get to the point.
• Change what they do, not who they are.
• Model the behavior you desire.
• Adapt your approach to the person.
• Provide for dignity and self-respect.
• Appeal to self-interest.
• Rejoice at success.
• Cut your losses with remorse, not guilt.

The Agreement Frame

“The Agreement Frame” is made up of three phrases you can use in any communication to respect the person you disagree with, maintain rapport, share what you feel is accurate, and yet never resist their opinion in any way. Here are three phrases:

I appreciate and…

I respect, and…

I agree and…

Eight Ways to Deal with Problems

• Assess the situation
• Meet the difficult behavior head-on
• Stay calm and objective
• Be up-front
• Make it a two-way conversation
• Put yourself in their place
• Be flexible
• Be tolerant

Watch Out - Dangerous misconceptions that cause conflict:

People always pay attention when you are speaking to them.

When people say they are paying attention, they are.

When someone says "I know" s/he does.

Saying something over and over will ensure that your listener understands.

Saying something over and over, slowly or loudly, will be even more useful.